I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
