I'm jealous of your bromance
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
