tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
