the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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