She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
