You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
