i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drunk is not a location!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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