im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
