I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
