Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
