How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
