I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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