My brain says no but my pants say off.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
