let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
