its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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