so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
