moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize