Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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