I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
