i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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