five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
