Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
