i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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