Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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