You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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