I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
