i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
