Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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