I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
