census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
