I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
