Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
