I puked a lego.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
