put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
