Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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