her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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