nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
