Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
