too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
