The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
