Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
