I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
