I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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