so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
