i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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