my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Boobs are out for the taking
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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