Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
