I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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