What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
