In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize