Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
