I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
