how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
