i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
