I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
