It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
