I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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