Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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