My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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