dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
