Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
