It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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