I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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