wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Congratulations! We have a period
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
