mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize