Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
