I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
