dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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