Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
