Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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