my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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