Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
