Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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