Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
