I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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