Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you had me at cake vodka
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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