Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
